In Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, Amy Ahlers is absolutely correct when she states “the most important relationship is your relationship with you.” She is also correct in saying “most of us are not doing so hot… we are incredibly, intensely hard on ourselves.”
Of the tens of thousands of thoughts we think in a day, many of them are negative and self-deprecating. This is despite what we actually have going on in our lives. We tend to beat ourselves up for anything and everything, big and small, never telling ourselves we are good enough. We compare ourselves to others, and live based on how other people think we should versus according to our own values.
Amy Ahlers says of the Big Fat Lies we tell ourselves, they “eat away at self-love, self-worth, and self-esteem, leading to depression, dissatisfaction, decreased productivity, and heart-stopping stress.” Such stress increases chance for disease and poor health, increases worry and anxiety, and decreases happiness and wellbeing.
Amy gives tips for recognizing your inner critic…
- Identify your Top 10 List of places, situations, and environments where you inner critic is likely to show up. Work? Social events? In bed? At home? When you look in the mirror?
- Notice what makes your inner critic louder, and notice what diminishes the power of the inner critic. What happens is you actively say no to your inner critic, call him/her a liar, tell him/her everything will be alright.
- What are your inner critics big fat lies? What does your critic say over and over to you?
It is important to understand your inner critic, and then begin to challenge these thoughts with more rational, realistic, and objective thought. Use a friend, family member, or therapist to help if you need.
Recognize these emotions as a sign you are letting your negative inner critic run the show (listed by Amy Ahlers)… Fear, hopelessness, insecurity, unworthiness, depression, guilt, regret, anger, blame, boredom, pessimism, frustration, impatience, disappointment, and jealousy.
These emotions are unhealthy for your psychological and physical health and wellbeing. They must be recognized, challenged, and changed. Changes in your daily habits by means of behavior, activities, and thought will help you combat this negativity. It takes work, and you must do the work, but it is worth it!
Check out Amy’s book and other books!